Some funny jokes.

What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA.

Drunken Irish

An Irishman called Paddy was drinking at the pub all night.
It was pretty late and the bartender came up to him to tell him that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand up one more time with the same result. So he figured he'd just crawl outside, hang out for a while, get some fresh air and hopefully that would sober him up.
Once outside he stood up and fell again right on his face.
So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrived at the door he tried one more time with the same results.
Exhausted, he then gave up and started crawling to the bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright but he quickly fell right into the bed and fell sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. The next morning, he woke up with his wife standing over him shouting at him.

"So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"What makes you say that?" He asked as he put on an innocent look.

"They called, you left your wheelchair at the pub again."

You have one wish

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genies lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope ... due to economic inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what'll it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Wow, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but im not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for, a good mate."

The Genie let out a long hard sigh and said, "Let me see that fucking map!"